If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
