your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
