i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
