I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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