I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
