how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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