He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
