She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
