butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
