evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
