Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
false alarm, still single
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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