I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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