Porn is love you can see.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
