totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
