u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
