I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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