i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
