Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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