Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
