Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
