Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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