just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my poor anus
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
