my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
