Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
