I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
