he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
