dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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