I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
