i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
two words: eviction party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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