i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
