i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
