Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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