When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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