I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
