a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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