Sponge bath it is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
