remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
