But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
