You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
