it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The uberlube is also flammable
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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