Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
