yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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