My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
