Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
