My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
