Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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