now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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