He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I AM VODKA MAN
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
