Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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