idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
