are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
